OOPS!!!!!

I discovered a big "oops" about a week ago. I found out that I am pregnant with baby number 2! It was a big "oops" because Erin and I had just decided that we were going to wait until (at least) the end of next year before we would start trying for another baby. Looks like God had a different plan.
When I first found out I was totally shocked, numb, unbelieving that this was happening. What was Erin going to say? We just moved into our own place and he just got a new job. We were happy the way things were. We were happy just the three of us. So, for about the first hour that I knew I was pg, I cried. Poor little Gavin was such a sweetie to me, making sure that I was okay. That's when I knew that I needed to pull myself together. I started thinking about things and realized that this is a blessing. It took me such a long time to get pregnant the first time...and this time I didn't even have to try! I think of all the friends we have who are struggling to have babies and realized that I am thankful for the blessings that I have. When Erin came home from work and I told him the news, he felt the same emotions that I did. But he got over it. And now we are both excited about this little one that I am carrying inside of me.
But I am still scared. I broke down a few nights ago and let loose to Erin all of my fears. I'm afraid of the pregnancy itself...I had such a difficult time the first time, I really don't look forward to experiencing it all over again. I'm afraid that I won't have enough love to go around...Gavin is the light of my life and I love him so very much, how can I ever love another child like that? And am I being fair to Gavin by making him share his mommy and daddy? There are just so many fears lurking in the back of my mind. But at the same time I am excited about our growing family. I know that in time things will get better. Right now I do know that my hormones are all messed up, so everything is so much more dramatic than it really is. Ahh, the joys of pregnancy!!
As for my body changing...I'm only 5 weeks along and already my clothes don't fit! What in the world is going on??? I've been careful about what I eat and I haven't been feeling the greatest, so I know I'm not eating as much either. But I've gained 3 pounds!!! Yikes! I'm keeping my fingers crossed that its just water retention. Water tastes soooo good to me right now and I feel like I just can't get enough. The morning sickness seems to be gone. At least for now anyway. And I'm tired...so very tired. In fact, I think I'm going to go sit down right now and rest. :)

Home, at last!

We are finally moved in to our new home. I can't remember the last time I felt so at ease. I never realized the stress that I was under, or the stress that my marriage was under as well. Gavin has adjusted to the move incredibly well. I thought he would be behaving horribly because of the big changes, but he has amazed me. Sure, he does miss his Nana, thats to be expected, but he seems to really like our new home.
Since the last time I blogged, Gavin has been to his therapist again. He has been making a lot of progress and no longer shows the signs of Sensory Processing Dysfunction. He does have a couple sensory issues (I've been told that everyone has them in some way or another.) He still struggles with hair brushing (even after I cut 4 inches off--SOB!!), and he still screams during bathtime. These are things that need to be worked on and I am hoping that with time and therapy he will overcome these fears. It seems though, for the most part, all of the "problems" he had before was just a phase. Funny how that is what Erin and I thought in the very beginning...
I haven't taken any pictures of our new home yet, since I am still in the unpacking process. As soon as I am done I'll post some pictures. The pictures below are just a couple that I took on one of our last beautiful days of fall.

New beginnings...

Many things have happened since the last time I blogged. Some things are worth writing about, others aren't that important. The biggest news that I have is that in October, we will be moving into our new home in the Butte. That's right, we are moving out...not into our own house like we planned, but it will be a "home". Our home. We will be moving into a duplex...a small one, but I like to think of it as cozy. I am really excited...I will have my own kitchen! It will be just the three of us again, and I am so thankful for that. Things here at my inlaws have been really stressful lately, and since my relationship with my father in law seems to be unrepairable, I would really like to get out and save the relationship with my mom in law while it's still there.

Erin finally got the job that he has been trying for since March. He is now a Corrections Officer at the Anchorage prison. He really likes his job. He works week on, week off, Thursday to Wednesday. He finally has a career. This job has loads of benefits and a 20 year retirement. In February, he will be going to the training academy. That will last for 6 to 8 weeks and will be here in Palmer. After he graduates from that he will have a badge! I am so proud of him for accomplishing this...

Gavin is seeing an occupational therapist now. I am having him checked out for Sensory Processing Dysfunction. I won't go into depth about this, but I will tell a little about what it is. It is a disorder that affects a child's senses...taste, smell, touch, etc. The little things that may bother you and I can bother a child ten times more. For example, the tags on a shirt, bright lights, certain smells, all of these can trigger meltdowns. I have been keeping a journal on all of his meltdowns and I feel like I am starting to narrow it down to what bothers him. If you are interested in learning more about this, go here.
Gavin will also be starting speech therapy this month. He is a little behind on his vocabulary, probably due to his hearing loss. I'm hoping that this will help end a lot of his (and mine) frustration.

Well, it's fair time here in Palmer. Erin, Gavin and I had fun sitting in the photo booth getting our pictures taken, as you can see in the photo at the top of the page. I also entered a few photographs into the contest this year. I received 2 ribbons for the picture below of Crystal and Ted (and Kyler). I received an Honorable Mention, and Judges Choice. I am so proud of this picture...wish I would've had one done like this when I was pregnant.

Anyway, thats about it for now. I plan to upload more pictures of the fair soon. Until then...

No phone call today...

ok, so I entered a huge scrapbooking contest earlier this month. It was for Scrapbooker of the Year for a magazine called Creating Keepsakes. The assignment was 20 layouts, an essay, and a supply list all put together in a portfolio. I totally busted my butt on this baby. The top ten finalists would all recieve $100 cash plus a scrapbook prize and an all expenses paid trip to Vegas, where the grand prize winner would be announced. The grand prize winner would receive the trip to Vegas, $10,000 cash, $10,000 in scrapbooking materials, AND a 2 year contract with the magazine!!!
Today the calls were made to the top ten finalists and I anxiously waited for my phone to ring. I followed religiously on the message board on the website because they were counting down the phone calls. Unfortunately, I did not make it. But thats okay. There is always next year and there is another contest for Hall of Fame coming up in the fall. They pick 25 winners from that...

Anyway, in case you are interested in seeing what I sent in to the contest, I posted the goods in some slide shows on my myspace page. Just follow the link on the right for Myspace and it will take you there. Let me know what you think!

An almost perfect day

We never should have come home tonight...

Before we came home, Erin, Gavin and I had a wonderful day. It was so beautiful outside today, that we decided to drive over Hatchers Pass. We started from Willow and drove over the pass...and it was such a pretty drive. Gavin slept pretty much the whole way and finally woke up when we got to Summit Lake. It was a nice chance for Erin and I to visit, especially since he's been working such long hours the past week.

During our stop at Summit Lake, we were able to watch some parasailers (I think that's what they were!). Gavin was in awe, he really enjoyed himself, except for the fact that it was just a little nippy up there. I was also able to take some pictures...But realized after we left that I never took a picture of the three of us together.

Things were still okay when we got home, but they heated up when Erin's parents came home.
Gavin has been doing wonderful at throwing grade A tantrums. At least Erin and I think they are tantrums. Evidently Erin's parents think otherwise. The subject of autism was brought up...again. While I won't go into specifics about what was said, (or yelled, I should say) I will say that tonight I realized that my father in law does not like me too much and nothing I can do will please him. Anyway, they both feel that these are not tantrums, but a sign of autism. I have spoken with Gavin's doctor, hearing doctor and 3 women from the infant learning program (who specialize in working with children that have developmental delays, including autism) and they have all said that Gavin just has a speech delay. Which is perfectly normal for a child with mild hearing loss. Gavin has also had a developmental assessment and scored high scores except for expressive language (speech) and did not have problems in the areas that are typically flagged for autism. None of this matters to my inlaws. It's almost as if, until he receives a diagnosis of autism, they won't let this die. It hurts me, it hurts Erin and I know that all of this tension is hurting Gavin. I honestly don't know what to do. If we could move out right now, we'd be gone already. I've had enough. This makes me feel that I am not a good mother and that I am not doing what is best for my son.
If anyone has any advice on autism or temper tantrums, please share. I know that I will get through this, it's just waiting for it to pass that is so darn hard.

Back to work...

After being off work for almost three weeks, it was nice to go back today. I'm just about over my cold, but poor Gavin is sick now. He did fine without me, though. He went to the Friday Fling in Palmer with his Grandma Amber and cousin Destiny. He must've had a blast because he's been taking a nap for over an hour and a half now. That may be bad news for momma later on since it's 5:30 right now. I think I'll have to wake him soon...
Anyway, at work they gave me a new project to work on. One that I am quite pleased with the results.
If you look closely, you can see that this isn't a standard scrapbook page, but a puzzle! Pretty neat, huh? Of course, I have wonderful subjects, too! (Hope you don't mind, Crystal, but this will be posted in the shop!) For those of you who don't know, I work at the Craftgarden, which is a scrapbook shop in Wasilla. I am the designer for the store and I get paid to make all sorts of cool stuff like this! Cushy job, I know...but it's fun!
Anyway, I just wanted to show this off... :)

Happy Birthday Gavin!

Today Gavin turned two. I can't believe just how fast the time has gone by. It seems like just yesterday that we were bringing him home from the hospital. My baby is no longer a baby, but a little boy who has his own personality...who knows exactly what he likes (trucks!) and what he doesn't like (vegetables!).
Yesterday we had a small birthday party for him. He had a lot of fun opening the gifts and playing with a cute little girl, Alannagh. Unfortunately, he didn't like the birthday song. Poor little guy got so embarrassed he tried to hide behind the table. Luckily, we were able to coax him into blowing (with a little help from grandma) his candles out.
Today we were invited to a barbeque in honor of my cousin Scott, who has been home for three weeks, and will be leaving on Tuesday. I was able to get a lot of great pictures and wanted to share a few of my favorites from the day.


All in all, we had quite a fun filled weekend. Gavin enjoyed his toys and the beautiful weather on his birthday, and I enjoyed spending time with my family.