An overdue update...

I must confess, I really haven't been in the mood to blog lately. Maybe it's just because I've been so busy trying to get all my Christmas stuff done. Or maybe it's just because I haven't had that much energy lately...or said energy happens to be used up on a very active 2 year old...
Anyway, the doctor took me off of bedrest at my last visit a week and a half ago. My blood pressure is still high, but she said that she wants me to start monitoring it at home. She said that most likely, I will have this problem throughout the entire pregnancy. She also said not to worry yet, we will just have to wait and see. In February I will have my monthly checkup with a doctor in Anchorage who specializes in high risk pregnancies. My doctor would just like to get a second opinion about my condition to make sure that she hasn't overlooked anything.
One thing I do know for sure...this is it. No more pregnancies for this lady. It's way too hard on me, physically and emotionally. After this pregnancy is over, I will be blessed with two wonderful children. And if for some unfortunate reason this pregnancy fails...well, I will be devastated, but I will also remember just how lucky and blessed I am to have my Gavin Marshall.

Bedrest...already?!

Yep, I'm on bedrest at only 9 weeks. This last Saturday I wasn't feeling too hot, so I laid on the floor to try and take a nap. I felt really naucous and was fighting a migraine. I was able to doze off and on but I felt like I had wet myself. It was quite embarrassing having that feeling because I've never had that happen to me (yet!) and I really wanted to get into the bathroom in a way that Erin wouldn't be able to see if I peed my pants or not. Luckily he was sleeping in his chair. So, I went pee and it never even dawned on me that I might be bleeding. I was. Right through the underwear and through my pants. I called for Erin and even he was freaked out.
My doctors office was closed so I had to go to the hospital. They really couldn't give me any answers. I may be going through a miscarriage, but maybe not. An ultrasound would not answer that question either. Even if they detected a heartbeat it still could mean that I would have a miscarriage. The doctor did do an examination of my cervix. He said that if it was open, then my body was going through a miscarriage. If it was still closed then that would be good, it would mean that my body hasn't started going through a miscarriage (yet). It was still closed. They gave me another Rhogam shot and drew some blood to check my hormone levels. They wanted me to go to my doctor on Monday to check my levels again to make sure that they were not dropping and to possibly get an ultrasound. So now all I could do was wait. And pray that I would stop bleeding and not have any cramps.
Monday I made an appointment with my doctor and the nurse was shocked to hear I never had an ultrasound on Saturday. So I went in for yet another ultrasound--so far I've gotten one every time I go in--and was able to get some answers. There is a piece of the placenta that has torn away from the cervix and that is what is causing the bleeding. The baby is fine and the heartbeat is nice and strong. With this information, my doctor has put me on bedrest for 2-3 weeks. She wants to make sure that my placenta heals and that there won't be anymore tearing. She also said that it wasn't anything that I did, this is just one of those things that can happen during pregnancy. I'm scheduled to go back in for a check up in 2 weeks. Hopefully by then I will be all healed and can go back to doing things for myself. I was really hoping that I wouldn't have to be put on bedrest during this pregnancy, especially not this soon. Gavin is so busy, busy, busy and especially with the holidays I feel like there is just so much to do. I hate just sitting, but I also know that I have to heal so that I won't have to spend my bedrest in the hospital. That would be far worse than what I am dealing with right now.
So thats the drama right now. So much for wishing for an uneventful pregnancy. I'm really hoping that after the first trimester it will all be easy peasy.

Yep, there's a baby in there!

Last night I had a scary experience. I went to the bathroom and noticed that I was spotting. Spotting and pregnancy don't mix with me. I was very scared, especially since Erin was working the night shift, so I couldn't talk to him about it. When I was pregnant with Gavin, I spotted at about 15 weeks...this time around I'm only 5 1/2 weeks. Of course, worst case scenarios were going through my mind. It didn't help that I've had two nightmares that I've miscarried. So this morning I called the doctors office and went in for some reassurance. I had some blood drawn to make sure my hcg levels were still high and I also had a Rogam (sp?) shot since I am RH negative. If you aren't familiar with that, it's basically where my body is confused about the baby and may think it is a foreign object that needs to be expelled. Pretty scary, huh? Anyway, I got the shot and I also was able to go for an ultrasound. The doctor wanted to make sure that there was a heartbeat, and since it's really too soon for us to hear it, we got to see it instead. And it was so neat, seeing the little thumpity thump...yep, there really is a baby in there and everything looks good! I'm so relieved...

OOPS!!!!!

I discovered a big "oops" about a week ago. I found out that I am pregnant with baby number 2! It was a big "oops" because Erin and I had just decided that we were going to wait until (at least) the end of next year before we would start trying for another baby. Looks like God had a different plan.
When I first found out I was totally shocked, numb, unbelieving that this was happening. What was Erin going to say? We just moved into our own place and he just got a new job. We were happy the way things were. We were happy just the three of us. So, for about the first hour that I knew I was pg, I cried. Poor little Gavin was such a sweetie to me, making sure that I was okay. That's when I knew that I needed to pull myself together. I started thinking about things and realized that this is a blessing. It took me such a long time to get pregnant the first time...and this time I didn't even have to try! I think of all the friends we have who are struggling to have babies and realized that I am thankful for the blessings that I have. When Erin came home from work and I told him the news, he felt the same emotions that I did. But he got over it. And now we are both excited about this little one that I am carrying inside of me.
But I am still scared. I broke down a few nights ago and let loose to Erin all of my fears. I'm afraid of the pregnancy itself...I had such a difficult time the first time, I really don't look forward to experiencing it all over again. I'm afraid that I won't have enough love to go around...Gavin is the light of my life and I love him so very much, how can I ever love another child like that? And am I being fair to Gavin by making him share his mommy and daddy? There are just so many fears lurking in the back of my mind. But at the same time I am excited about our growing family. I know that in time things will get better. Right now I do know that my hormones are all messed up, so everything is so much more dramatic than it really is. Ahh, the joys of pregnancy!!
As for my body changing...I'm only 5 weeks along and already my clothes don't fit! What in the world is going on??? I've been careful about what I eat and I haven't been feeling the greatest, so I know I'm not eating as much either. But I've gained 3 pounds!!! Yikes! I'm keeping my fingers crossed that its just water retention. Water tastes soooo good to me right now and I feel like I just can't get enough. The morning sickness seems to be gone. At least for now anyway. And I'm tired...so very tired. In fact, I think I'm going to go sit down right now and rest. :)

Home, at last!

We are finally moved in to our new home. I can't remember the last time I felt so at ease. I never realized the stress that I was under, or the stress that my marriage was under as well. Gavin has adjusted to the move incredibly well. I thought he would be behaving horribly because of the big changes, but he has amazed me. Sure, he does miss his Nana, thats to be expected, but he seems to really like our new home.
Since the last time I blogged, Gavin has been to his therapist again. He has been making a lot of progress and no longer shows the signs of Sensory Processing Dysfunction. He does have a couple sensory issues (I've been told that everyone has them in some way or another.) He still struggles with hair brushing (even after I cut 4 inches off--SOB!!), and he still screams during bathtime. These are things that need to be worked on and I am hoping that with time and therapy he will overcome these fears. It seems though, for the most part, all of the "problems" he had before was just a phase. Funny how that is what Erin and I thought in the very beginning...
I haven't taken any pictures of our new home yet, since I am still in the unpacking process. As soon as I am done I'll post some pictures. The pictures below are just a couple that I took on one of our last beautiful days of fall.

New beginnings...

Many things have happened since the last time I blogged. Some things are worth writing about, others aren't that important. The biggest news that I have is that in October, we will be moving into our new home in the Butte. That's right, we are moving out...not into our own house like we planned, but it will be a "home". Our home. We will be moving into a duplex...a small one, but I like to think of it as cozy. I am really excited...I will have my own kitchen! It will be just the three of us again, and I am so thankful for that. Things here at my inlaws have been really stressful lately, and since my relationship with my father in law seems to be unrepairable, I would really like to get out and save the relationship with my mom in law while it's still there.

Erin finally got the job that he has been trying for since March. He is now a Corrections Officer at the Anchorage prison. He really likes his job. He works week on, week off, Thursday to Wednesday. He finally has a career. This job has loads of benefits and a 20 year retirement. In February, he will be going to the training academy. That will last for 6 to 8 weeks and will be here in Palmer. After he graduates from that he will have a badge! I am so proud of him for accomplishing this...

Gavin is seeing an occupational therapist now. I am having him checked out for Sensory Processing Dysfunction. I won't go into depth about this, but I will tell a little about what it is. It is a disorder that affects a child's senses...taste, smell, touch, etc. The little things that may bother you and I can bother a child ten times more. For example, the tags on a shirt, bright lights, certain smells, all of these can trigger meltdowns. I have been keeping a journal on all of his meltdowns and I feel like I am starting to narrow it down to what bothers him. If you are interested in learning more about this, go here.
Gavin will also be starting speech therapy this month. He is a little behind on his vocabulary, probably due to his hearing loss. I'm hoping that this will help end a lot of his (and mine) frustration.

Well, it's fair time here in Palmer. Erin, Gavin and I had fun sitting in the photo booth getting our pictures taken, as you can see in the photo at the top of the page. I also entered a few photographs into the contest this year. I received 2 ribbons for the picture below of Crystal and Ted (and Kyler). I received an Honorable Mention, and Judges Choice. I am so proud of this picture...wish I would've had one done like this when I was pregnant.

Anyway, thats about it for now. I plan to upload more pictures of the fair soon. Until then...

No phone call today...

ok, so I entered a huge scrapbooking contest earlier this month. It was for Scrapbooker of the Year for a magazine called Creating Keepsakes. The assignment was 20 layouts, an essay, and a supply list all put together in a portfolio. I totally busted my butt on this baby. The top ten finalists would all recieve $100 cash plus a scrapbook prize and an all expenses paid trip to Vegas, where the grand prize winner would be announced. The grand prize winner would receive the trip to Vegas, $10,000 cash, $10,000 in scrapbooking materials, AND a 2 year contract with the magazine!!!
Today the calls were made to the top ten finalists and I anxiously waited for my phone to ring. I followed religiously on the message board on the website because they were counting down the phone calls. Unfortunately, I did not make it. But thats okay. There is always next year and there is another contest for Hall of Fame coming up in the fall. They pick 25 winners from that...

Anyway, in case you are interested in seeing what I sent in to the contest, I posted the goods in some slide shows on my myspace page. Just follow the link on the right for Myspace and it will take you there. Let me know what you think!