Friday, September 25, 2009

Another thing to worry about...

Today Gavin had open house and parent orientation at Headstart. I was really looking forward to going. Looking forward to watching the "presentation" the kids were going to do and to have Gavin show us around his school.

I wasn't prepared for the disappointment and frustration that I felt upon leaving. I wasn't prepared for the sadness that overcame me and that is still hovering over me.
Needless to say, it was the most unorganized event that I have ever been to. Now don't get me wrong, I totally understand the chaos that comes with having tons of 3 and 4 year olds running around. But for an organization that has been doing this for years, I expected a bit more.

When Erin, Bekah and myself first arrived, we were told to go to another room for the parent orientation. This, I thought, would be informative, giving us an idea of what to expect from the school year. What I didn't expect was an hour, yes an hour, of them "selling" the idea of volunteering at the school. I do understand that they need the help and I have previously agreed to help out this year, but I did not expect to be lectured for an hour about this subject. Especially not with a 15 month old who cannot sit still during a boring lecture.

Anyway, after that was all over with, I learned about how Gavin spends every day there. And I am not a very happy mom.

Because Gavin also goes to Swanson at 1pm, he has to do things a bit differently towards the end of the day. Headstart typically gets out at 1pm, but Gavin has to take a bus over to Swanson. This bus comes to get him at 12:15. So, while the kids are outside playing during recess, Gavin has to come inside 15 minutes early and eat his lunch. In the hallway. With a staff member sitting next to him trying to force him to eat whatever nasty meal they are serving for the day. Okay, so maybe I might be overreacting, but today's lunch was yucky. And now that I think about things, I just realized something. Today was an inservice day for public schools. Apparently the staff there at Headstart all forgot about that, so they had Gavin go through with the agenda that he normally does. Which is fine. Things happen, people forget. But what upsets me, is that today they also had a big picnic for the open house. Burgers, hotdogs, veggies, fruit, etc. Gavin's lunch today consisted of 1/4 roll, a spoonful of baked beans with cut up hot dogs in it, 2 baby carrots, a piece of a pear and a glass of milk. Where is the kid friendly food? Gavin wouldn't eat any of it except for his milk and roll. If whomever dished out his food would have given him a hamburger or some mixed fruit, I bet he would've eaten it. Ugh. Poor guy, no wonder he is starving when he comes home from school each day. Now, I'm all for trying new foods and such, but his little plate did not look appealing at all. And I am not pleased knowing that someone is trying to force him to eat stuff he doesn't like.

Anyway, after lunch, the kids went back into their classrooms to sing a song. It was really sweet because Gavin was sitting on the teacher's lap. She is a really nice lady :)
After the song all the kids got up and started doing their own thing. Everyone had moved away from the circle that they were just in. Everyone except for Gavin. Gavin was sitting on the floor all by himself playing with some toys. And he looked sad. And that just totally broke my heart. It makes me wonder, does he have friends in his class? Does anyone talk to him? Do they treat him differently because he wears hearing aids?

Writing about this is really hard and I feel like I'm not getting everything that I want to say out. All I know is that I have a wonderful, caring, outgoing, smart, helpful little boy and he shouldn't have been sitting all by himself today. Nobody wants their child to be the one left out. But what happens when your child is that one? I want so much for my little guy. At four years old do kids really have the "cool" groups and the "uncool" groups? My heart hurts.

So, Erin and I have decided that I will start picking Gavin up from Headstart and taking him to Swanson. That way he can have a bit more time there and maybe not feel like an odd one out because he has to leave 45 minutes early. Monday we have a home conference with his teacher so we'll be able to go over some things and I will have a clearer picture about how his days go.

Maybe I'm reading too much into this. But, hey, I'm a mom and he's my little man. I just want whats best for him. Why does parenting have to be so darn hard?

Monday, September 14, 2009

He's growing up.

I am sad.
Tomorrow my little guy will be going to school, all day long. The bus will pick him up at 8:29 am and he won't be home until 3:25 pm. He will be gone four days of the week. What in the world am I going to do?
Sure there are many days when I am exasperated with him and need a break, but there are good days, too. He is such a good little man, helping me take care of "Bebah J" (what he calls her) and helping me around the house (more like destroying it...). Lately he has been asking Bekah to play with him. I've noticed that she is completely lost without her big brother around. It is really sweet the way those two play with each other.
Enrolling him into a second preschool was a really hard decision for me. For one, he'd be gone for so long. Would it be too much for him? Or am I just making excuses for myself? Second, he's got the next 13 years to be in school. He's only four years old. Why put so much onto such little shoulders?
But then I realized that he is still behind in his speech and next year he won't have the one on one that he does right now. With the recommendation of his teacher at Swanson, I decided that it would be best if he is enrolled into Headstart, also. I don't want him to have to struggle next year when he goes to kindergarten. I have to keep telling myself that I am doing the right thing. It's just hard.
I feel like I'm losing my baby boy.
I know that he'll do fine. I know that he'll make a lot of new friends. I know that he'll have so much fun learning and exploring at school.
I guess it's just me I'm worried about.

I better suck it up.

Sunday, September 6, 2009

Bekah and her baby doll

Just wanted to share my latest layout of Bekah J. She loves her baby doll. I mean, really loves her. But she has to be naked. No clothes. Nothing. I have tried several times to put clothes on that poor naked baby, only to have Bekah furious with me and refuse to have anything to do with baby doll. Maybe because Bekah is happiest when she is naked, she feels baby doll is happy naked, too. Anyway, it's just one of those little quirks that I want to remember about my Bekah J and tell her about when she gets older.

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