Wednesday, December 19, 2007

An overdue update...

I must confess, I really haven't been in the mood to blog lately. Maybe it's just because I've been so busy trying to get all my Christmas stuff done. Or maybe it's just because I haven't had that much energy lately...or said energy happens to be used up on a very active 2 year old...
Anyway, the doctor took me off of bedrest at my last visit a week and a half ago. My blood pressure is still high, but she said that she wants me to start monitoring it at home. She said that most likely, I will have this problem throughout the entire pregnancy. She also said not to worry yet, we will just have to wait and see. In February I will have my monthly checkup with a doctor in Anchorage who specializes in high risk pregnancies. My doctor would just like to get a second opinion about my condition to make sure that she hasn't overlooked anything.
One thing I do know for sure...this is it. No more pregnancies for this lady. It's way too hard on me, physically and emotionally. After this pregnancy is over, I will be blessed with two wonderful children. And if for some unfortunate reason this pregnancy fails...well, I will be devastated, but I will also remember just how lucky and blessed I am to have my Gavin Marshall.

Tuesday, November 27, 2007


Yep, I'm on bedrest at only 9 weeks. This last Saturday I wasn't feeling too hot, so I laid on the floor to try and take a nap. I felt really naucous and was fighting a migraine. I was able to doze off and on but I felt like I had wet myself. It was quite embarrassing having that feeling because I've never had that happen to me (yet!) and I really wanted to get into the bathroom in a way that Erin wouldn't be able to see if I peed my pants or not. Luckily he was sleeping in his chair. So, I went pee and it never even dawned on me that I might be bleeding. I was. Right through the underwear and through my pants. I called for Erin and even he was freaked out.
My doctors office was closed so I had to go to the hospital. They really couldn't give me any answers. I may be going through a miscarriage, but maybe not. An ultrasound would not answer that question either. Even if they detected a heartbeat it still could mean that I would have a miscarriage. The doctor did do an examination of my cervix. He said that if it was open, then my body was going through a miscarriage. If it was still closed then that would be good, it would mean that my body hasn't started going through a miscarriage (yet). It was still closed. They gave me another Rhogam shot and drew some blood to check my hormone levels. They wanted me to go to my doctor on Monday to check my levels again to make sure that they were not dropping and to possibly get an ultrasound. So now all I could do was wait. And pray that I would stop bleeding and not have any cramps.
Monday I made an appointment with my doctor and the nurse was shocked to hear I never had an ultrasound on Saturday. So I went in for yet another ultrasound--so far I've gotten one every time I go in--and was able to get some answers. There is a piece of the placenta that has torn away from the cervix and that is what is causing the bleeding. The baby is fine and the heartbeat is nice and strong. With this information, my doctor has put me on bedrest for 2-3 weeks. She wants to make sure that my placenta heals and that there won't be anymore tearing. She also said that it wasn't anything that I did, this is just one of those things that can happen during pregnancy. I'm scheduled to go back in for a check up in 2 weeks. Hopefully by then I will be all healed and can go back to doing things for myself. I was really hoping that I wouldn't have to be put on bedrest during this pregnancy, especially not this soon. Gavin is so busy, busy, busy and especially with the holidays I feel like there is just so much to do. I hate just sitting, but I also know that I have to heal so that I won't have to spend my bedrest in the hospital. That would be far worse than what I am dealing with right now.
So thats the drama right now. So much for wishing for an uneventful pregnancy. I'm really hoping that after the first trimester it will all be easy peasy.

Thursday, November 1, 2007

Yep, there's a baby in there!

Last night I had a scary experience. I went to the bathroom and noticed that I was spotting. Spotting and pregnancy don't mix with me. I was very scared, especially since Erin was working the night shift, so I couldn't talk to him about it. When I was pregnant with Gavin, I spotted at about 15 weeks...this time around I'm only 5 1/2 weeks. Of course, worst case scenarios were going through my mind. It didn't help that I've had two nightmares that I've miscarried. So this morning I called the doctors office and went in for some reassurance. I had some blood drawn to make sure my hcg levels were still high and I also had a Rogam (sp?) shot since I am RH negative. If you aren't familiar with that, it's basically where my body is confused about the baby and may think it is a foreign object that needs to be expelled. Pretty scary, huh? Anyway, I got the shot and I also was able to go for an ultrasound. The doctor wanted to make sure that there was a heartbeat, and since it's really too soon for us to hear it, we got to see it instead. And it was so neat, seeing the little thumpity thump...yep, there really is a baby in there and everything looks good! I'm so relieved...

Sunday, October 28, 2007


I discovered a big "oops" about a week ago. I found out that I am pregnant with baby number 2! It was a big "oops" because Erin and I had just decided that we were going to wait until (at least) the end of next year before we would start trying for another baby. Looks like God had a different plan.
When I first found out I was totally shocked, numb, unbelieving that this was happening. What was Erin going to say? We just moved into our own place and he just got a new job. We were happy the way things were. We were happy just the three of us. So, for about the first hour that I knew I was pg, I cried. Poor little Gavin was such a sweetie to me, making sure that I was okay. That's when I knew that I needed to pull myself together. I started thinking about things and realized that this is a blessing. It took me such a long time to get pregnant the first time...and this time I didn't even have to try! I think of all the friends we have who are struggling to have babies and realized that I am thankful for the blessings that I have. When Erin came home from work and I told him the news, he felt the same emotions that I did. But he got over it. And now we are both excited about this little one that I am carrying inside of me.
But I am still scared. I broke down a few nights ago and let loose to Erin all of my fears. I'm afraid of the pregnancy itself...I had such a difficult time the first time, I really don't look forward to experiencing it all over again. I'm afraid that I won't have enough love to go around...Gavin is the light of my life and I love him so very much, how can I ever love another child like that? And am I being fair to Gavin by making him share his mommy and daddy? There are just so many fears lurking in the back of my mind. But at the same time I am excited about our growing family. I know that in time things will get better. Right now I do know that my hormones are all messed up, so everything is so much more dramatic than it really is. Ahh, the joys of pregnancy!!
As for my body changing...I'm only 5 weeks along and already my clothes don't fit! What in the world is going on??? I've been careful about what I eat and I haven't been feeling the greatest, so I know I'm not eating as much either. But I've gained 3 pounds!!! Yikes! I'm keeping my fingers crossed that its just water retention. Water tastes soooo good to me right now and I feel like I just can't get enough. The morning sickness seems to be gone. At least for now anyway. And I'm very tired. In fact, I think I'm going to go sit down right now and rest. :)

Saturday, October 6, 2007

Home, at last!

We are finally moved in to our new home. I can't remember the last time I felt so at ease. I never realized the stress that I was under, or the stress that my marriage was under as well. Gavin has adjusted to the move incredibly well. I thought he would be behaving horribly because of the big changes, but he has amazed me. Sure, he does miss his Nana, thats to be expected, but he seems to really like our new home.
Since the last time I blogged, Gavin has been to his therapist again. He has been making a lot of progress and no longer shows the signs of Sensory Processing Dysfunction. He does have a couple sensory issues (I've been told that everyone has them in some way or another.) He still struggles with hair brushing (even after I cut 4 inches off--SOB!!), and he still screams during bathtime. These are things that need to be worked on and I am hoping that with time and therapy he will overcome these fears. It seems though, for the most part, all of the "problems" he had before was just a phase. Funny how that is what Erin and I thought in the very beginning...
I haven't taken any pictures of our new home yet, since I am still in the unpacking process. As soon as I am done I'll post some pictures. The pictures below are just a couple that I took on one of our last beautiful days of fall.

Saturday, September 1, 2007

New beginnings...

Many things have happened since the last time I blogged. Some things are worth writing about, others aren't that important. The biggest news that I have is that in October, we will be moving into our new home in the Butte. That's right, we are moving out...not into our own house like we planned, but it will be a "home". Our home. We will be moving into a duplex...a small one, but I like to think of it as cozy. I am really excited...I will have my own kitchen! It will be just the three of us again, and I am so thankful for that. Things here at my inlaws have been really stressful lately, and since my relationship with my father in law seems to be unrepairable, I would really like to get out and save the relationship with my mom in law while it's still there.

Erin finally got the job that he has been trying for since March. He is now a Corrections Officer at the Anchorage prison. He really likes his job. He works week on, week off, Thursday to Wednesday. He finally has a career. This job has loads of benefits and a 20 year retirement. In February, he will be going to the training academy. That will last for 6 to 8 weeks and will be here in Palmer. After he graduates from that he will have a badge! I am so proud of him for accomplishing this...

Gavin is seeing an occupational therapist now. I am having him checked out for Sensory Processing Dysfunction. I won't go into depth about this, but I will tell a little about what it is. It is a disorder that affects a child's senses...taste, smell, touch, etc. The little things that may bother you and I can bother a child ten times more. For example, the tags on a shirt, bright lights, certain smells, all of these can trigger meltdowns. I have been keeping a journal on all of his meltdowns and I feel like I am starting to narrow it down to what bothers him. If you are interested in learning more about this, go here.
Gavin will also be starting speech therapy this month. He is a little behind on his vocabulary, probably due to his hearing loss. I'm hoping that this will help end a lot of his (and mine) frustration.

Well, it's fair time here in Palmer. Erin, Gavin and I had fun sitting in the photo booth getting our pictures taken, as you can see in the photo at the top of the page. I also entered a few photographs into the contest this year. I received 2 ribbons for the picture below of Crystal and Ted (and Kyler). I received an Honorable Mention, and Judges Choice. I am so proud of this picture...wish I would've had one done like this when I was pregnant.

Anyway, thats about it for now. I plan to upload more pictures of the fair soon. Until then...

Tuesday, July 31, 2007

No phone call today...

ok, so I entered a huge scrapbooking contest earlier this month. It was for Scrapbooker of the Year for a magazine called Creating Keepsakes. The assignment was 20 layouts, an essay, and a supply list all put together in a portfolio. I totally busted my butt on this baby. The top ten finalists would all recieve $100 cash plus a scrapbook prize and an all expenses paid trip to Vegas, where the grand prize winner would be announced. The grand prize winner would receive the trip to Vegas, $10,000 cash, $10,000 in scrapbooking materials, AND a 2 year contract with the magazine!!!
Today the calls were made to the top ten finalists and I anxiously waited for my phone to ring. I followed religiously on the message board on the website because they were counting down the phone calls. Unfortunately, I did not make it. But thats okay. There is always next year and there is another contest for Hall of Fame coming up in the fall. They pick 25 winners from that...

Anyway, in case you are interested in seeing what I sent in to the contest, I posted the goods in some slide shows on my myspace page. Just follow the link on the right for Myspace and it will take you there. Let me know what you think!

Sunday, July 29, 2007

An almost perfect day

We never should have come home tonight...

Before we came home, Erin, Gavin and I had a wonderful day. It was so beautiful outside today, that we decided to drive over Hatchers Pass. We started from Willow and drove over the pass...and it was such a pretty drive. Gavin slept pretty much the whole way and finally woke up when we got to Summit Lake. It was a nice chance for Erin and I to visit, especially since he's been working such long hours the past week.

During our stop at Summit Lake, we were able to watch some parasailers (I think that's what they were!). Gavin was in awe, he really enjoyed himself, except for the fact that it was just a little nippy up there. I was also able to take some pictures...But realized after we left that I never took a picture of the three of us together.

Things were still okay when we got home, but they heated up when Erin's parents came home.
Gavin has been doing wonderful at throwing grade A tantrums. At least Erin and I think they are tantrums. Evidently Erin's parents think otherwise. The subject of autism was brought up...again. While I won't go into specifics about what was said, (or yelled, I should say) I will say that tonight I realized that my father in law does not like me too much and nothing I can do will please him. Anyway, they both feel that these are not tantrums, but a sign of autism. I have spoken with Gavin's doctor, hearing doctor and 3 women from the infant learning program (who specialize in working with children that have developmental delays, including autism) and they have all said that Gavin just has a speech delay. Which is perfectly normal for a child with mild hearing loss. Gavin has also had a developmental assessment and scored high scores except for expressive language (speech) and did not have problems in the areas that are typically flagged for autism. None of this matters to my inlaws. It's almost as if, until he receives a diagnosis of autism, they won't let this die. It hurts me, it hurts Erin and I know that all of this tension is hurting Gavin. I honestly don't know what to do. If we could move out right now, we'd be gone already. I've had enough. This makes me feel that I am not a good mother and that I am not doing what is best for my son.
If anyone has any advice on autism or temper tantrums, please share. I know that I will get through this, it's just waiting for it to pass that is so darn hard.

Friday, July 20, 2007

Back to work...

After being off work for almost three weeks, it was nice to go back today. I'm just about over my cold, but poor Gavin is sick now. He did fine without me, though. He went to the Friday Fling in Palmer with his Grandma Amber and cousin Destiny. He must've had a blast because he's been taking a nap for over an hour and a half now. That may be bad news for momma later on since it's 5:30 right now. I think I'll have to wake him soon...
Anyway, at work they gave me a new project to work on. One that I am quite pleased with the results.
If you look closely, you can see that this isn't a standard scrapbook page, but a puzzle! Pretty neat, huh? Of course, I have wonderful subjects, too! (Hope you don't mind, Crystal, but this will be posted in the shop!) For those of you who don't know, I work at the Craftgarden, which is a scrapbook shop in Wasilla. I am the designer for the store and I get paid to make all sorts of cool stuff like this! Cushy job, I know...but it's fun!
Anyway, I just wanted to show this off... :)

Sunday, July 15, 2007

Happy Birthday Gavin!

Today Gavin turned two. I can't believe just how fast the time has gone by. It seems like just yesterday that we were bringing him home from the hospital. My baby is no longer a baby, but a little boy who has his own personality...who knows exactly what he likes (trucks!) and what he doesn't like (vegetables!).
Yesterday we had a small birthday party for him. He had a lot of fun opening the gifts and playing with a cute little girl, Alannagh. Unfortunately, he didn't like the birthday song. Poor little guy got so embarrassed he tried to hide behind the table. Luckily, we were able to coax him into blowing (with a little help from grandma) his candles out.
Today we were invited to a barbeque in honor of my cousin Scott, who has been home for three weeks, and will be leaving on Tuesday. I was able to get a lot of great pictures and wanted to share a few of my favorites from the day.

All in all, we had quite a fun filled weekend. Gavin enjoyed his toys and the beautiful weather on his birthday, and I enjoyed spending time with my family.

Tuesday, June 19, 2007

just feeling sad...

Just a few moments ago, I was in a perfectly good mood. That was until I checked my myspace account. After looking around through some friends, I came across someone's profile that saddened me and really touched my heart. She is a mother of a 2 year old girl who has (to put simply) a brain tumor. The little girl is too young to have the surgery as it is way too risky. This little girl died last night...strange that I don't even know these people and I am sitting here bawling my eyes out. Maybe it's because I am a mom and I could never, and would never want to, imagine losing a child of my own. My son is everything to me.
I know that God has a plan for everything, but it still doesn't keep me from asking "why?" Why take such an innocent child, why make the parents hurt so deeply? My heart goes out to the parents that have to experience the loss of a child. It is an experience that I pray I will never have to endure.
Sorry for the depressing blog, I just needed to express myself. It's amazing how becoming a parent is the most joyous thing in the world, but at the same time it is the most terrifying as well.

Saturday, June 16, 2007

Potty training, here we come!

Gavin has been taking an interest in the toilet lately. He knows what it is for and he will tell me when he has to go "pee pee". Except he doesn't actually go, instead he goes through the actions while saying "pssssssss". It's really cute, but tiresome as well. Especially because he'll tell me several times during the day (even at Walmart) but he won't actually do the deed.

So since he has been removing his diaper constantly, I've been letting him run free outside occasionally.

I knew this moment of potty training was coming soon, but I'm still not quite prepared for it...It's bittersweet, my baby is no longer a baby...he's growing up...I wish he could stay little forever.

Friday, June 15, 2007

A parade, a lolly and a zoo...oh my!

Gavin has had a week of "firsts". And just when I thought that stage was gone...It's amazing how many different things that us adults take for granted, when our children haven't even had the joy of experiencing them yet.

He went to his first parade during Colony Days in Palmer last weekend. He had such a great time watching the fire trucks, motorcycles and animals. He especially liked the candy.

In his candy stash from the parade, he discovered a "dum dum" sucker. Although he never managed to finish it, he sure did like the taste of it!

At Crystal's baby shower he was able to play on the playground equipment. This was his first time on a tube slide. He had a BLAST! Can't you tell by the huge smile on his face?

A baby shower wouldn't be complete without a piece of cake. And that cake was yummy! It wasn't a first time experience for him (cake-eating) but I just had to post this picture. It was my most favorite one of the day.

Erin and I were able to take advantage of the gorgeous weather we had last weekend and took Gavin to the zoo. He had a great time and we loved watching the looks of excitement on his face. Most of the time he rode on top of daddy's shoulders...well, at least until we got to the porcupine exhibit. He kicked off one of his shoes and it landed over the fence and next to the cage. Erin had to go get a zoo employee to retrieve his shoe. It was quite comical.

A parade, a lolly, a baby shower and a trip to the zoo...all in one beautiful weekend. We are truly blessed. And I never realized how much fun even the simplest things are, when you have a child who is seeing things for the first time.

Monday, May 21, 2007


The following was taken from my blog on Myspace:

"Last week I lost a person in my life who was really important to me. My friend John Knapp was killed in a tragic car accident. He was driving home from work and was just 5 minutes away from home when he fell asleep at the wheel. He then ended up hitting a light post and knocking it down. He had a toolbox in the backseat and it ended up hitting him in the back of his head, breaking his neck. He was brain dead on the scene. He died shortly later.
I found out about his death on the day of his funeral, which was a week ago Thursday. I felt shocked, saddened, angry, robbed...Last night I found out the details of the accident and I felt all of those emotions again. I can't believe he is really gone...I'm never going to see his shitty assed smile...or feel one of his great bear hugs...I know that there are others who are feeling a greater loss than I am, especially since I had lost contact with him these last 2 years..but John touched my life, he changed my life really, and I never got to thank him for all he did.
John and I worked together at Carrs, and became good friends. We were both in relationships at the time, but we were both having problems. We would talk and offer advice...a little while later he ended a long and very serious relationship. I was still in mine, but it was very bad...anyway, we hung out together one night with some friends and we talked about the relationship that I was in. John helped me realize that there were better guys out there and that I didn't deserve what I was getting. Charmer that John was, I fell for him that night. All I wanted was to be with this amazing the next day I ended my awful relationship. I know that John and I were just rebounders...but he gave me hope. And-this may sound cheesy--but he saved me. He saved me from myself and he gave me the confidence I needed to move on. I truly believe that if it weren't for him, I would probably still be in that awful relationship and not where I am now...happily married with a beautiful little boy.
As far as I know, John didn't even know that I had a son. I'm sorry that I didn't keep in better touch with him...I'm sorry that I never got to thank him for changing my life...And I'm sorry that I never got to say goodbye..."
It wasn't until just now that I realized it has been a full year since he has been gone. I knew the day was approaching, but I haven't been paying much attention to the date lately. Maybe thats why. I think about John so often. I think about his family and the pain that they have experienced. I think about all of the things he was cheated out of. I think of how lucky I am to have what I have in my life right now. And I think about how close I was to seeing him the day of his accident...I drove by the accident right after it had happened, not knowing whose car it was...but I remember telling Erin as we drove by, "I really hope that wasn't somebody we know."
But it was somebody we knew, somebody that in spite of not keeping in touch for 2 years, was a very important person to me.
There are times when I think I see him, in the store, driving around town...its hard. But I know that the sadness that I feel is selfish. For he is with God now...He needed more good carpenters up there, you know.

(after re-reading this post, I feel that it isn't even close to what I really wanted to say. Words just cannot describe my feelings or do him justice. I guess what I really want to say is that...I miss him.)

Sunday, May 20, 2007

A prelude to Summer

Today was such a beautiful day. I was really surprised at just how warm it was, especially since just the other day it was so yucky and cold. I'm not sure what the temperature was, but it was definitely a nice reminder of the warm weather that is yet to come.
Gavin had such a fun day outside...he was able to help Daddy and Papa put a fence up around the garden...

he played with his Tonka trucks on the lawn...
Ate a little bit of dirt (yuck!)...
Played telephone with Grandma Dawn...
Took a ride on the deer lawn ornament at Great Grandma and Great Papa's house...
Pretended to be bashful when Momma wanted pictures of him...
And smiled for a cute picture with his number one fan! Whew, what a day! It was so wonderful being outside. I can't wait for more days like this!

Sunday, May 13, 2007

Mothers Day

Mothers Day this year was actually quite chilly. So unlike years passed, we spent the majority of it indoors. After spending the large part of the day at home, we went up to my grandma's house for dinner with the family. Before we went inside, we were able to snap a few pictures to remember the day. The wind started picking up, much to Gavin's delight, so we decided to call it quits after a few minutes.
We had a nice visit with the family, and Gavin had a fun time being a little monster! Well, he behaved probably about 70% of the time. The other 30% was spent yelling at the dinner table, terrorizing the dogs and muttering "oh thit!". Yes, unfortunately Gavin has picked up a bad word, most likely from my Fergie cd. I guess I'm really going to have to be more careful about that...
All in all, we had a good time but it was good to come home and rest. Gavin was totally wiped out and fell asleep within thirty minutes of being home. Which is wonderful for me because now I have the rest of the evening to myself! Woohoo!
Until next time, goodnight, and Happy Mothers Day to all you hard working mommas out there!

Monday, May 7, 2007

It's been awhile...

I know, it's been awhile since my last blog. Things have been hectic and very stressful for the 3 of us lately.

Erin has been trying to get a job with the corrections facility in Seward and has been patiently waiting to hear if he passed the interview. If he did, he'll have to pass a few more tests until it's a for sure thing. We are praying and keeping our fingers crossed that he gets this job, heaven knows the job he is at right now is a dead end one. He's been promised time and time again that he would receive a raise, but of course, it always falls through. When his supervisors found out that he was trying to look for a better job to support his family, they threatened his job. Two weeks ago we were really worried that at this time right now, he wouldn't have a job. Thankfully, he is still employed, even though the company is totally bogus, but that is one less burden on our shoulders. For now at least.

On top of all this, I found out that Erin's dad thinks Gavin is showing signs of autism. Of course, he didn't tell me face to face, I found out through Erin. I also found out that during this conversation that he had with my husband that he had the audacity to ask if Gavin was planned or if was he an accident. While confronting my father-in-law about this, it was more of a yelling match than a civilized conversation. We voiced some opinions and had much to say...and Erin, him and I are still not really talking. And this was a week ago. I could really go into depth in this situation, but I'd rather not, as it still upsets me. The point is, Gavin does not have autism, does not show any signs, and is developing perfectly normal for a child with mild hearing loss. These concerns were put to rest by his hearing doctor and if my father-in-law would have come to ME in the beginning, things wouldn't have escalated the way they did, since it is I that takes Gavin to the doctor and it is I who voices my concerns over his development and finds out the answers to these questions. Can you feel my anger?'s so frustrating...I know he meant well, but he went about the whole thing wrong. Anyway....

Not sure if you noticed, but my weight loss ticker is gone. No, I haven't given up, I just haven't tracked anything and my account closed, I'm assuming. I've realized in the past month that stress definately makes me eat I haven't been doing too well. So, I'm going to start over. Maybe this time I can follow through...I'll post a new ticker within the next few days.
For now, I'll leave you with some recent pics of Gavin...he really is my sunshine in all of this rain...

Wednesday, April 11, 2007


Just wanted to share with everyone all the new things my Gavin is doing that makes me crack up...

After watching an episode of The Backyardigans where they all are bikers and flex their muscles and growl, Gavin has been going around flexing HIS muscles and growling. Then he expects Mommy and Daddy to do the same. It's quite cute.

This afternoon when Gavin was taking his nap, Gracie started barking uncontrollably because someone stopped by. Unfortunately, I wasn't able to shield the noise from Gavin, and he woke up, after being asleep for only 45 min. The funny thing is, when he woke up, he sat up, looked at me, and started barking. It was so hard for me not to laugh at him, since I really wanted him to go back to sleep. After about 2 minutes of barking, he finally decided he wanted to finish his nap.

One more thing that happened today-I swear I almost peed my pants because of this one-Gavin has a "little people" pony. You know, the little figurine kind that go with the barn...Anyway, he was playing with it and then he set it down on the floor, stood over it, straddled it and crouched down like he was trying to ride it!

Ahhh...the funny things kids do...

Tuesday, April 10, 2007

Long-haired boy...

Easter Sunday was a pretty laid back day for us. I wasn't feeling good so we pretty much lounged around all morning and most of the afternoon. It was nice because I was able to take a short nap, while Gavin took a long one in Daddy's arms.
After he woke up, I tried to feed him some lunch, but he wouldn't eat much. Too much Easter candy! So, I played with his hair instead...
Not sure if you can see his ponytail or not, but I am soooo jealous! Long, curly hair...I want it! I cannot understand why anyone would want to cut his hair. I know he's a boy, but some boys do have long hair, right? Besides, he loves his hair, too. Really, he does. He absolutely hates it when I pull it back. It's a wonder that I was able to get him to keep his hair up for these pictures. And he loves shaking his head side to side and letting the curls hit his face. No, I don't think I'll be cutting it for a long time...
He is cute though, isn't he? :)

Friday, March 30, 2007

a false alarm and a healthier me...

Well, the past 2 weeks have been quite a rollercoaster for me. I absolutely, positively thought I was pregnant. Erin and I are always careful but we had an oops. A big oops.
In the past, we have talked about when I should get pregnant again. Originally we decided to start trying when Gavin turned 2. Then it moved to January of 2008. Our final decision had been kind of up in the air. Until 2 weeks ago.
When I took an ovulation test (after our oops) and it had 2 lines, I had so many mixed emotions. Part of me was hoping to be pregnant and another part was thinking "no, too soon!". Gavin is such a handful right now, I couldn't imagine being pregnant and running after him. Especially after how I had such a complicated pregnancy with him. I remember feeling, and still have this feeling, that I love Gavin so much. How can I possibly have enough love for 2?
That is a question that I don't need answered right now since I am not pregnant. Just a false alarm. Am I relieved? Yea, but a bit disappointed at the same time. So, baby number 2 will just have to wait for a bit...


If you haven't noticed, I have a ticker at the top of my page. This is a huge step for me, because I will be documenting my (attempted) weight loss. One of my biggest worries about being pregnant is being pregnant when I still have lots of weight to lose. I won't tell you how much I weigh now, maybe after it's gone, but I do have to lose about 100 lbs. That's my goal. It's going to be hard, but I think if I am public with it, it will help me stick to my goal. We'll see!

Monday, March 26, 2007


Just the other night I as I was browsing through some old pictures of Gavin, I realized just how much he has grown up. And me, being the emotional person that I am, of course got all misty-eyed. Why do the days that are filled with constant clinging, crying and defiance seem to drag on and on, yet the days on a whole, seem to go by with the blink of an eye? It's amazing how I can see Gavin's personality emerging with each's hard to believe he started out as such a tiny little person...

and is now growing up to be such a beautiful little boy...

Words just cannot express the joy I feel in knowing that this little boy is mine. It's such a blessing and an adventure to see him changing everyday right before me.

Friday, March 16, 2007

More, please!

Gavin is getting so good at signing. He knows a handful of them; eat, more, dog, no, hot, kitty, water, milk; but lately he hasn't been using them much. After visiting his hearing doctor, she told me that we, meaning Daddy, Nana, Grandma and I, are reading his mind too much. He needs to start telling us what he wants by signing or talking. This is a big deal since Gavin has mild hearing loss and wears hearing aids, he's just a little behind on his speech. So now whenever Gavin wants something, he has to "tell" us and not just reach for whatever it is. To make this an even bigger learning experience, I taught him how to sign "please". I showed him one time and he picked up on it right away! These little things about him still seem to amaze me. So all day long today he signed please for me. And then the little bugger shocked me again when he signed "more, please" when he wanted another cookie. But I would have to say the biggest achievement of the day was when he actually said "peeease". Wow. He is just growing so fast and it's so bittersweet...I want him to grow up, but I want him to be my baby forever.

Thursday, March 15, 2007


Yay! I finally got my computer fixed. (no more icky virus) So now I can finally access my account and start blogging. I'm really excited about this, but nervous at the same time. My New Years resolution was to keep a journal everyday so I wouldn't forget all the little things happening in my life. Well, that lasted about 2 weeks. But hey, I did really, really good for those 2 weeks. :) Anyway, I am hoping that I can stay on top of this and share all my quirky little stories about my little man Gavin. Heaven knows I can talk on and on about him. But, to be easy on myself, I won't be blogging EVERYDAY. I'll try for every other day. Or maybe once a week...:)

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